


i found love where it wasn't supposed to be

by anothersadsong



Category: Rogue One: A Star Wars Story (2016)
Genre: Admitted Feelings, F/M, Hurt / Comfort, mutually assured oral sex, oh no concussion!
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-01
Updated: 2019-01-01
Packaged: 2019-10-01 22:39:38
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,533
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17252720
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/anothersadsong/pseuds/anothersadsong
Summary: Rebelcaptain Secret Santa 2018. The prompt was glad you're alive sex ... and here is a LOT of feels followed by some sex ... with more feels. Thanks toTinCanTelephonefor the beta!





	i found love where it wasn't supposed to be

Cassian awoke to chaos. 

The world was blurry as his senses returned a little at a time. He blinked rapidly as he stared into the gray sky above, made even hazier by acrid clouds of smoke wafting by on the frigid breeze. 

Suddenly, Jyn’s face appeared above him, and although he couldn’t hear the words she was frantically saying - his ears were ringing too painfully for that, he could vaguely recall grappling with a ‘trooper who had surprised them as they hurried from their meeting with a local insurgent leader. 

The ‘trooper had managed to radio for backup before Cassian had been able to incapacitate him, and they hadn’t been quick enough to continue their escape before that backup had arrived - armed with flash grenades, one of which had apparently detonated close enough to knock him unconscious. 

He needed to get up, but his body was slow to react and had been slow and painful ever since the aftermath of Scarif. Cassian was barely getting by with the help of durasteel plates and pins holding his leg together and strengthening a spine broken in his fall from the tower. 

Even as the buzzing in his ears subsided just enough for him to hear the frustration and impatience - and the fear coloring her voice as she tugged at his jacket and implored him to just get up. 

Through the din of blaster shots being volleyed back and forth by both sides, and the grenades still exploding uncomfortably close for comfort, Cassian heard Jyn. 

“Come on, you kriffing laserbrain, get up -,“ she muttered, pulling him into a sitting position once his body started responding again, her voice hoarse and her eyes rimmed red. 

Cassian wanted to reach out, cup her cheek in his palm, wipe away the soot and dirt with his fingers. But he didn’t have any right, and if he took liberties he wasn’t being offered, he would forever punish himself for his sin - another added to a long list. 

When she wasn’t getting the response that she wanted, her face set in her determination, Jyn hauled Cassian up and onto his shaky legs, bellowing “On your feet, soldier! Move, move, move!” so forcefully that even the most hardened of them would’ve jumped to comply. 

And Cassian did, as well as his body allowed, leaning heavily against Jyn as she led the way - much the same as she’d led him from the tower to the beach on Scarif what seemed another lifetime ago.

But eventually, thanks to her sheer force of will, and the cover fire provided by Kay - Kay in a brand new chassis that had been liberated while Cassian had been in the depths of his medically induced coma, and worked on intermittently as he recovered. 

Cassian thanked the Force - or whatever deities might or might not actually exist - that he’d been practically obsessive about creating backups often enough that the droid - his friend - hadn’t lost too much memory from before Scarif. 

Cassian’s legs could only carry him so far, as weak as they were, as groggy and light-headed as he still was, angry and ashamed that he had been caught so unaware, so once the trio was back on board their small ship and Bodhi was closing the ramp and preparing to leave atmo, he collapsed with a pained grunt, scowling at Kay as the droid announce that save for two bruised ribs, a scattering of superficial contusions, a concussion and an elevated heart rate, the Captain would survive this latest brush with death. 

“Thank you,” Jyn replied, her tone clipped and icy, “But I’d rather see for myself.”

Cassian could tell that Jyn meant no malice or offense, that she was simply just distracted - and he wondered where he’d learned to read her so well, wondered if she could read him in the exact same ways.

He wondered, as his curious eyes met her concerned ones, what it all meant, whether it was a sign that he had found the right partner - Kay notwithstanding. 

“Come on, Cassian”, Jyn urged, a little gentler as she helped him back up and onto his feet, curling an arm around his waist in order to stabilize him on his still shaky legs. He noted how careful she was, how aware of his surgically repaired spine that would always scream in pain if he was ever too hard on it. Too much stress, too much wear and tear always left his nerves pinging painfully, making it difficult to walk or even sit without finding some rest first, and although he was still a little numb at the moment, Cassian knew that once it faded, he would need a strong dose of painkillers to keep the discomfort away. Discomfort, he called it, but the truth was, he would be in agony.

He wrapped an arm around her shoulders, fingers curling and grasping the sleeve of her shirt - ostensibly as a method of stabilization, but perhaps selfishly because he wanted her close - he always wanted Jyn close as possible. Too close, he thought, was an impossibility when it came to her. 

Slowly, Jyn leading, Cassian limping, they made their way from the front of the ship to the small bunks in back, where she helped him sit, only lingering for a moment before she was off on her quest for one of their medkits. Cassian took the opportunity to gingerly shrug out of his jacket, wincing as the adrenaline in his system faded, the bruised ribs and other contusions coming into full focus. 

Cassian was no stranger to pain, and could bear an enormous amount of it by himself, but he could hardly stand it when Jyn returned and crouched down onto the cold durasteel floor, silent as her fingers danced over his skin, deftly checking for any injuries he might have been trying to hide, the little knot between her brows drawing deeper in her concern. 

She was worried for him, he could tell, and it was such a strange sensation for Cassian - knowing that someone bothered to care that much about him, much less to care about him at all.

He wasn’t worthy of it, not after the things he had done.

“I can hear you thinking, Cassian”, she muttered, cleaning a particularly nasty scrape on his forearm. 

“Sorry - “, he murmured, at least having the good graces to allow his expression to match the chagrin he actually felt. “You don’t have to - “, he continued, pausing in order to gesture vaguely at himself with his free arm. 

Even though she rolled her eyes, Cassian could tell from the slump of her shoulders that she was at least marginally more amused than annoyed at the suggestion.

“Someone has to,” she breathed, her head darting up, her eyes meeting his, a suddenly stricken expression all the proof Cassian needed to know that he hadn’t been meant to hear the comment, as innocuous as it might have sounded to others. 

For them, it wasn’t, and they both knew it. At least, he thought. So, with the way her eyes were searching his, and how readily he didn’t - couldn’t - hold anything back from her.

Not here. Not now. Not ever again.

Jyn dropped her gaze, and continued to work in silence, Cassian unsure of what he could even offer that would make things any better, or at least a little less uncomfortable. 

Not that he didn’t want Jyn touching him so intimately, not that he didn’t dream about it or crave it, not that he didn’t want it with every fiber of his entire being, just … not like this. 

He had been warned by doctors, Draven, even (gently) by Mon Mothma herself that he was never going to be the same, that he should think about taking a new role within the Rebellion - one that required far less physicality than his current position. 

Cassian had felt aghast by the suggestion - aghast, livid, despondent, an abundance of emotions that overwhelmed him in both number and strength. For a man that prided himself on his ability to compartmentalize those same emotions, his doubts, and fears alike, anything to get the job done, he felt helpless when it seemed as though he couldn’t even do that anymore. 

He wondered if Scarif hadn’t just decimated him physically, but mentally as well - that now that these emotions had broken free, he would never be able to confine them again. 

Cassian hadn’t confided in many - didn’t trust many to see past the confident facade he put on show, but with Jyn … they had nothing but time as they healed together in medbay, time to talk, time to slowly get to know each other, time to learn to trust as they grew closer than he had ever allowed himself to hope for. 

She had barely left his side unless absolutely necessary, and a little at a time .. they trusted each other enough that those talks sometimes re-opened painful wounds and brought equally painful memories back into the light. 

By the end of it, Cassian felt that he and Jyn had forged a relationship built on so much more than the mutual distrust that they had originally felt or each other what felt like eons ago. 

She wasn’t a stranger anymore. She wasn’t a threat. She was a friend - a colleague, a partner - and Cassian’s heart, slowly beating back into life after lying dormant for so long, kept telling him that he wanted more, that he had found exactly what he hadn’t known he needed in fierce little Jyn Erso. 

As the days and weeks passed, Cassian didn’t let on to what he was feeling, how his skin burned in the aftermath of her touch, whether it was a simple brush of hands or when she allowed him to lean heavily against her side to rest, exhausted from extensive physical therapy sessions designed to help him learn to walk all over again. 

He couldn’t tell her about the warmth that pooled in his belly every time she smiled at him - from the smallest twitch of her lips to the wide, unguarded and unabashed grins that she felt comfortable enough to share with him when they were alone - usually at night, usually in his quarters, because after months spent in intensive care, sleeping side by side in uncomfortable medbay beds, sleeping alone seemed an impossibility. 

Somehow, they had found comfort with each other that neither had expected.

She had become his saving grace, even if she didn’t know it. Jyn never looked at him with pity in her eyes, and never once tried to suggest that he would be better off taking a more sedentary role like others had intimated. 

When Cassian felt sorry for himself, when he doubted his abilities, when he wallowed in self-pity - all the moments he needed her the most, Jyn was there to kick his ass back into shape. 

Cassian wasn’t sure that he had ever been in love before, but he knew that he was in love with Jyn now.

He was startled from his thoughts when she suddenly looked up and his heart dropped to see tears glistening in the corners of her eyes. For him? About him? His fingers itched to wipe them away, to hold her face in his palms, to hold her steady as he kissed her worries and fears away - but he didn’t move. He couldn't - not when he didn’t know and was too afraid to ask if it was what she wanted, too. 

Why take the chance and run the risk of losing what they did have? Kriff, if all they ever had were the nights wrapped up in each other’s arms in an attempt to stave off their nightmares, he would have to be content enough with that, grateful enough that Jyn trusted him enough to comfort her like that, that she allowed him to take comfort from her in the same way. 

“Jyn - ,“ he ventured, softly, slowly. 

“Did you learn nothing from our sparring sessions?” she blurted out, her expression contorting into something almost regretful as if the words had tumbled from her lips. 

“No, Jyn, no - “ Cassian bean, hesitating before gently placing his hand atop hers as it clutched at his thigh. “It’s just that … “

One standard month earlier - 

“... My body doesn’t move in the same ways anymore,” he said, even as he and Jyn stood in the center of the training room in workout clothes, stretching thoroughly, although it was slow going with his stiff back and hip giving him grief every step of the way. “My reflexes aren’t ever going to be what they used to be.”

“I know,” Jyn replied, canting her head to the side so that she could glance up at him as she reached for her toes. “That’s kind of the point. You still need to be able to defend yourself during close quarters combat. I need to know that you can take care of yourself, Cassian. Just in case.”

Cassian raised an eyebrow, but didn’t push any further. Jyn probably wasn’t the only one who wondered about his capabilities (or lack thereof). Kriff, even he had doubts about what his body could still handle. 

Instead of making a joke about putting himself in her capable hands, Cassian stood up to his full height and then adopted a fighting stance, watching as Jyn did the same, wincing at the popping noise that accompanied the way she rolled her neck once, twice, again. 

“They won’t go easy on you,“ she said, crouching low to the ground, her eyes sharp. “And neither will I.”

That was all the warning that Cassian received, suddenly finding himself flat on his back, his head spinning after Jyn had completely blindsided him, knocking his good leg out from underneath him, sending him sprawling to the mat below. 

True to her word, Jyn did not go easy on Cassian, taking him down again and again from different attacks at different angles until he was exhausted and panting, red-faced and sweaty, and he managed to catch the edge of her loose pants to pull her down with him. 

When the dust settled with Jyn lying half on top of him, Cassian found himself at a loss for words as their eyes met and they both seemed unsure of what to do, or say, or even think. 

It wasn’t as though they were strangers to being close - they shared a bunk more often than not, after all, but this was something different.

Cassian half-expected Jyn to scramble off and away from him, ignoring how close they had gotten and ignoring the driving need to get all the closer still, but he found himself surprised and a bit shocked when she shifted and moved and he found himself with a lapful of Jyn. 

She paused momentarily, but she slowly straddled his hips and sat up straight and bit her bottom lip almost nervously as she observed him carefully, making sure that she hadn’t crossed some invisible boundary between them.

But Cassian didn’t move - not to push her off, not to reach out and hold her hips, not even to breathe, he was so caught up in the moment. When his body began to respond, he mentally willed himself to calm down … and failed. Once he had learned to compartmentalize his feelings, he not only utilized the skill during missions, but also in what passed as his personal life. 

Caring for people, letting them in, loving them only led to heartache in the end. 

But then - Jyn. 

Jyn Erso had crashed into his life and turned everything upside down, challenging everything he had ever believed, every decision he made, everything he thought he knew as gospel truth. 

Cassian felt again. Cassian wanted again. And from where Jyn was sitting in his lap, Cassian was certain that she was feeling exactly how his body was coming back to life, how much he wanted, who he wanted. 

Her expression betrayed nothing she might have been thinking, and she didn’t move either, not a fraction of an inch, not to get up, not to tease, not at all. 

“I could have killed you a dozen times over by now,” she muttered darkly, keeping her eyes trained on his. 

Cassian’s breath hitched, his pulse beating hard. “I know,” he said, his own voice thick - with embarrassment? Desire? Both?

But Cassian wasn’t so overcome that he did not notice the flicker of curiosity in her green eyes in the moment before she bore down upon his lap intentionally, and he found himself groaning and willing his eyes to stay open so he could watch her, ensure that she wasn’t disgusted by how obviously he wanted her, how obviously hard he was. 

But the moment ended almost as soon as it had begun, and Cassian found himself alone on the mat, watching as Jyn collected her things as if he wasn’t there. He swallowed hard and pulled himself to his feet, an apology n the tip of his tongue before she finally turned, her expression unreadable once more. 

“Same time tomorrow,” she murmured, and he nodded dumbly, watching as she strode briskly away. 

Despite his fear, Jyn did show up at his quarters later that night, and did lay own in his bunk as was their routine, and didn’t hesitate to curl up close as always, borrowing comfort from him and allowing him to do the same in order to find some semblance of rest. 

He didn’t mention it, and she didn’t ask. 

And Cassian found himself laid flat on his back during every subsequent sparring match he had with Jyn over the next few weeks, staring up at her as she loomed over the top of him, unable or unwilling to fight back when he trapped his hands above his head and held them there, at her mercy. Cassian had never imagined craving being in such a position, but now that he’d experienced firsthand just how strong and formidable Jyn was … he couldn’t imagine anything else. 

Sometimes, he thought that Jyn wanted him like this, too, prone and vulnerable and under her control completely. She never held him down with much force and he could have broken her grip easily if he tried, but Cassian never did. 

“If I didn’t know any better,” Jyn said once, half under her breath, “I’d think that you like being in this position.”

“If I didn’t know any better,” Cassian retorted, “I’d think that you did, too.”

Jyn didn’t dignify that with an answer outside a frustrated grunt as she rolled off of him, leaving him to see to himself as always. 

His heart sank at the thought that he had done something or said something to not only offend but potentially push Jyn away permanently. 

But once she gathered her things and turned to face him again, her expression impassive, impossible to read, even for him, a man who had been trained to read the smallest tics and shifts in body language, and she was an enigma. 

“I don’t want to see you dead, Cassian,” she finally said, and not for the first time, she quickly took her leave, and he collapsed back onto the mat with a groan. When would he stop finding ways to drive her away? What was the final straw that would ensure that she cut off all contact with him altogether?

But Jyn came back that night, too, and as many nights afterward that she could, and they continued ignoring whatever was growing between them in favor of going on as always because … 

Because - 

Cassian couldn’t - and would never attempt to - speak for Jyn, but he recognized that he never broached the subject because he was scared. He was well aware that people saw him as fearless, but the reverse was far truer. 

He was scared - terrified - that he didn’t deserve any kindness from Jyn. Her affection or love were so far out of the question that he didn’t even consider it a possibility. 

He wasn’t a good person. He had done terrible things, even if those things were in service of a cause that was much greater than himself. How could he live with himself if he pulled her down into his darkness, no matter how much of a spark he knew she had lit in him. 

She deserved so much better than him. And he was fearing the day that she found it - when she would no longer come to him to seek comfort and to offer it as well.

He dreaded the day that he lost her for good, but he was certain that it was nearing. 

Which was partly why he was so confused in the here and now that she appeared so … stricken and so emotional at the prospect of his demise. 

He didn’t matter. 

So why … ?

Back on the ship an staring at Jyn as she was crouched in front of him, Cassian tried starting again. “I … “, frustrated when he couldn’t quite articulate what he was feeling or what he wanted to say. His speechlessness had nothing to do with his newest concussion, and it was a disconcerting feeling to have - Cassian had found himself in the middle of many unpredictable situations through the years, and he had been able to improvise and talk his way out of them all. 

He didn’t often find himself in this position, but here he was, at a loss for words, taken aback by the sight of the woman that he loved, close to shedding tears over him, and - 

He didn’t have time to react as he suddenly found Jyn sitting at his side, palm pressed against his cheek, leading him to turn his head and look at her. 

“Cassian,” she whispered, her voice hoarse, her throat raw - almost as though she was having difficulty holding back the same emotions that had brought a lump in his throat as well, too large to swallow down.

He wanted, despite the throbbing pain of his ribs, to wrap his arms around Jyn and hold her tight. He wanted to whisper everything he had been holding back into her ear and then he wanted to kiss her into breathlessness, he wanted her to feel what he felt for her and be assured that it was real and it was without end. 

He wanted to promise that he would never leave her, no matter how much he knew that he couldn’t give her that kind of assurance. Cassian might have been made a liar by virtue of his line of work, but he never wanted to lie to Jyn. 

But she brushed her thumb so tenderly against his cheek and carefully shifted so that it was easier for them to share the bunk and be close without Cassian having to twist and turn and cause himself any undue pain, and all he could concentrate on was the warmth of her hand and the immense amount of pleasure that he got from such a small gesture. 

When was the last time someone had caressed his face so gently? An aunt, when he was a child and searching for a hug? His Mama when he was sick? Or the very last time that he had seen her, before she yelled at him to run? Cassian shut his eyes and inhaled sharply. Had it really been so long without this honest, loving contact?

Cassian almost lost control of his emotions completely as he felt Jyn exhale a shaky breath against his skin in the instant before she pressed her lips to his forehead in a soft kiss. He swallowed hard as she rested her forehead against his, keeping so close that he could feel her warm breath against his lips. Almost hesitantly, he curled an arm loosely around her waist, both quiet as they allowed the enormity of this moment wash over them. 

There was no coming back from this, Cassian could feel it, and even if they could, he didn’t know if he wanted to. 

“Jyn - “, he tried again, only to be thwarted by a huff of breath against his lips and an audible gulp from the woman that he wanted to be impossibly closer to, now and always.

“No”, she began, a one-word plea, pausing for a moment in order to gather her thoughts. “Let me speak, otherwise I’m afraid that I never will.”

Cassian could grant her that, and he gently nodded his understanding, a careful motion , so as not to dislodge her, to hopefully prove to her that this was exactly where he wanted her to be, that this was how they belonged. 

“When I saw you fall again, Cassian, my world almost felt like it was collapsing underneath me. I’ve been through it before, and I - “, she paused, her voice wavering. “I can’t watch you die right in front of me like that. I can’t always be with you and I can’t imagine having to sit back helplessly, unable to assist you, or save you if you need it. And you will need it, Cassian, you will, because we can’t do all of this alone.”

Cassian breathed shakily, lifting his free hand to rub what he hoped were reassuring patterns against Jyn’s shoulder, anything to distract from the hot tears building up behind his eyelids, too.

She cared. Not only that, but she cared in the ways that he had never believed that she would. 

“I’ve lost everything, everyone I’ve ever loved,” she gasped, and he felt his heartbeat speed up, almost a deafening pounding in his chest and in his ears. 

Was this … Was she … ?

“I can’t lose you, too,” she whispered, a pained little noise punctuating the statement as she tore herself away just far enough to be able to search his eyes, his expression, gauging what he was thinking or feeling or what he might say in response. 

But before Cassian could take a breath or find the words - any words - to say, he watched as she breached what little distance there was between them, pressing her lips against his hurriedly, even as she desperately mumbled how much she loved and needed him, and his arm tightened around her as he did exactly the same. 

The dam broke, and there was no escaping the deluge that began pouring over the both of them. “I love you’s” turned into apologies as the kisses deepened and hands began to wander, Cassian hissing in pain when Jyn pulled him against her a little too roughly.

He swallowed her gasps as he nipped sharply at her lips in retaliation. Cassian could take a little pain if it meant he could experience Jyn’s haste when it came to the removal of her layers of clothing - her jacket, vest, and tunic, too many layers that were keeping them from being skin-to-skin, but finally, she sat in front of him, eyes bright, clad in only a breastband that had seen better days. 

But Cassian didn’t care about as he watched those bright eyes dull just a little, as he saw her physically pull into herself as they found themselves as bare as they had ever been in front of each other. He ached to reach out and touch, to trace his fingers along the edges of each and every scar bared to his view. 

He wanted to show her how beautiful he found her in every single way, to prove to her that she was not lacking somehow, to worship her in all the ways that she deserved. 

“I can’t … do this the right way,” he muttered in his frustration, the slight frown on his face fading when Jyn returned to herself a little, laughing softly. 

“We’ll manage, “ she answered, and for his part, he believed her. 

Good or bad or all the in-betweens, they would manage. 

This was not an ideal time or place, and he was not in any sort of shape even resembling ideal, but they would manage. After so much time - too much time - spent ignoring these feelings, doubting them and attempting to suppress them altogether, now they could finally give in. 

Jyn leaned in to steal another kiss and Cassian ran his fingers along the bottom of the band, pleased when she shivered and groaned, only pausing in the actual removal in order to ensure that he had Jyn’s approval to continue. Her enthusiastic “yes, kriff, yes” was all he needed to know that he was on the right path. 

Soon enough, it was loosened and dropped near the rest of her abandoned clothing and she was shivering under the ministration of his hands, gentle despite how rough the surface of his skin, gasping as he traced along the contour of one breast and then the other, in awe to see her so undone and so surprised by her own pleasure. 

She was so many things wrapped up in one - strong, fierce, gorgeous - but a woman like her could never truly belong to another … maybe, though, if Cassian was incredibly lucky, she would allow him to walk by her side for as long as he could. 

“Cassian,” she rasped, and although it took an extraordinary effort to still his explorations, he managed, eyes keen as he observed Jyn from underneath his eyelashes, curious, waiting. 

“Lay down,” she instructed, gesturing toward the too-small bunk they were currently occupying. “Before you hurt yourself any worse.”

He grumbled underneath his breath as he brushed a calloused thumb against a peaked nipple, but he complied. She had been so right, after all, when she had asserted that he liked being under her control. With a heavy sigh, he laid back, barely having found a reasonable facsimile of comfort before Jyn was straddling his lap, his hands immediately spanning her hips, holding tight and holding her steady, groaning his own enjoyment of the way she leaned down to take a kiss, their bare chests brushing together, sending a shower of sparks raining down upon him, sparks which set every nerve ending in his body ablaze. 

And that was before Jyn turned her attention to pressing kisses along the curve of his jaw and whispering, “Let me take care of you,” against the shell of his ear and shamelessly grinding her hips against his and he thought she might just kill him - but if he went now, well, what a damn good way to go. 

But he let her do as she wished with him, let her touch and explore his body any way that she wanted, her touches light but not without intent as she felt her way down his chest and began working at his pants, where his cock was already hard and straining for her. 

Cassian didn’t think that Jyn found herself particularly sweet, but he found the pink in her cheeks and the way she bit her lip something special indeed. It didn’t seem like a part of herself that she shared with many others, but she was sharing it with him, and he wasn’t going to take a moment of it for granted. 

She didn’t have to say a word as she urge him to lift his hips so that she could push his pants down, baring him to her gaze for the first time. This wasn’t going to be perfect, far from it, he realized, unable to wriggle out of his pants with his boots still on, but they would manage. 

Next time, he wanted to do this under more favorable circumstances. Next time - he was already thinking about a next time, and Cassian never allowed himself to think too far into the future. With Jyn, though … he wanted a lifetime.

She curled her fingers around his cock and he whimpered his pure, unadulterated delight at the feel, not only because she was someone other than himself, but because it was Jyn touching him, stroking him in ways he had only previously imagined. Her keen eyes trained on his and she slowly began stroking him experimentally, from base to tip and back again. The tingling sensation rocketing up and down the length of his spine had his toes curling in his boots. 

“That’s right,“ Jyn murmured, varying her grip, the pace of her strokes, her face flushed as she rendered Cassian a writhing mess from just the touch of her hand. “You’re so good. You’re being so good for me.”

Cassian gasped loudly then, his body completely stilling as his heart nearly stopped beating altogether. 

“I’m gonna come if you keep that up,” he gritted out, his eyes locked on hers, as hazy as his vision was. “Not yet, Jyn, please - “ he pleaded, his breathing fast and sharp as she rode his thigh, alleviating some of her own growing arousal. “Let me touch you. I want to touch you, too.”

She didn’t immediately acquiesce, and he didn’t expect her to, instead, slowing the motion of her body as she continued stroking him lazily. 

“I want to take my time with you,” she offered instead, her voice low, almost a territorial sort of growl. And that, too, was more than enough to make his cock twitch its interest. “I want to make you come until you can’t anymore. I want to wreck you.”

“Jyn - !” he cried out, his voice strangled, all from the strain of having to hold back. 

“What do you want, Cassian?” she said, her tone a little softer now, a little more indulgent, like nothing he had ever heard from her before. “Tell me.”

Cassian was no stranger to sex, but this felt like … so much more. 

He felt dizzy - but it was with possibility, rather than from injuries sustained during their escape. What didn’t he want to do with Jyn? What wouldn’t he try if she only just said the words?

… It should have been terrifying, he thought, feeling so deeply for her, knowing that he would do anything for her, but it felt like finally, all of Cassian’s missing pieces were starting to fill, that for as broken as they both were, maybe together, they could find a way to fit. 

Although he had initially stated that he wanted to touch Jyn, when she asked what he wanted, Cassian changed his answer slightly, hoping that the improvement would suffice. 

“I want to taste you,” he groaned, pleased with himself as Jyn shuddered hard, her breath catching in her throat, her eyes wide as she watched him intently. 

“You can’t move … “

“You can,” he pointed out, a sharp little smile turning his lips up at the edges. “I won’t have to move much if you sit on my face.”

Cassian hardly knew what had come over him. He had never before made such a suggestion, never really even considered it, but watching Jyn’s blush deepen and the tip of her tongue dart out to wet her lips, her eyes rake over his face hungrily, he felt that maybe he was on the right track after all.

Still, when he was without the touch of her hand and her now-familiar weight holding him down, Cassian felt the loss deeply. At least he got to watch as she quickly and efficiently shucked her pants with the rest of her clothing. At least he got an opportunity to admire her body before she climbed back into the bunk with him and ducked down to steal a kiss that was so deep he wondered if he would ever be able to catch his breath again, leaving him dazed and panting in her wake, only hesitating once he was up and on her knees, Cassian’s only clue as of yet that Jyn felt any trepidation over the act 

“You won’t suffocate me,” he asserted, the corners of his lips twitching. “And if you do, at least I’ll die happy.”

Jyn rolled her eyes, but there was no real annoyance. Cassian heard her take a deep breath, and then she swung her leg over, and he settled his palms against her thighs to hold her steady. 

He wanted to dive right in - to lick and suckle at her, to taste her, make her moan for him, but for a moment, Cassian didn’t make a move, more in favor of taking in how beautiful Jyn was, even here, how vibrantly pink and pretty, how her skin glistened with wetness that had, for all intents and purposes, been caused by him. 

He wanted to worship her. He didn’t want to stop until she was shaking and crying and unable to remember her own name. 

There wasn’t the time. Next time, he vowed he would make the time.

From above, Jyn sighed impatiently, and Cassian breathed out an amused ghost of a chuckle. He wasn’t intent up teasing Jyn into a frenzy - not yet, not this time around - and so, when he finally gave in to the desire to taste her, he did it with gusto. 

Cassian had never considered himself a selfish man, but as he laved her slick skin with the flat plane of his tongue and heard her gasp, he knew that he could spend hours like this, and happily so. 

And the guttural moan that escaped her lips as he pursed and closed his around her sensitive little nub made his cock twitch against his stomach. She was - kriff, she was absolutely perfect. 

He lapped at her greedily, like he was a parched man and she was his oasis. Her thighs quivered as she cried out for more, more, more, and Cassian gave her more, did not plan on stopping until she was shaking and boneless and undeniably satisfied. 

He licked and sucked and nibbled at her until her entire body was trembling deliciously above him. And then, when he gathered up her wetness on one long finger and carefully pushed the digit into her warm, wet heat and was rewarded with an almost scandalized gasp of his name, he knew that he would never tire of satisfying her just like this, for as long as she would allow, any time, any place. 

Cassian worked her with his fingers and mouth in conjunction, whispering for her to let go for him against her soft, heated skin, she squeezed and pulsed around his finger and he felt her positively flood around him, soaking his mouth and the bottom of his chin completely. He held on as tightly as he could manage with one hand clutching her thigh, helping Jyn ride out wave after wave of her release as it washed over the top of her again and again and again, without bucking her hips too wildly, possibly breaking his nose in the process. 

By the time he’d slipped his finger from her and settled his palm against the other shaking thigh, her body had loosened and relaxed considerably and Cassian helped her swing her leg over the top of him so that she could collapse in a not-so-graceful heap at his side. 

He didn’t bother hiding his self-satisfied smirk as he watched her, flushed and glorious, chuckling as she half-heartedly pushed at his shoulder. He didn’t say anything or urge her to touch him or to take care of his very obvious erection, content enough to watch her, his dark eyes soft, his expression unbelievably fond, the brushing of his fingers gentle as he rubbed the smooth skin of her inner arm, where he knew that she had the same contraceptive implant that he did.

Jyn must have noticed the beginning of Cassian’s familiar concerned frown start to form between his eyes, because she reached out to try to smooth it out gently.

“Not this time - “, she murmured apologetically, observing him through hooded, guarded eyes. “Not until you’re well.”

Cassian didn’t hesitate as he ducked his head slightly, nodding his agreement. He didn’t care if they did nothing more than lay together for the next little while. Just knowing that this was something they could have more of if they wanted was more than enough. But all he could do was choke out a surprised noise when Jyn shifted onto her side and leaned half over the top of him and hummed with every deliberate kiss that she pressed in a line down his chest, the muscles of his abdomen tensing and relaxing over and over again.

If Cassian had been unsure of Jyn’s intentions before, there was no mistaking it as her fingers curled around his cock again and he blew out a breath, watching intently as she pointedly licked her lips, wetting them thoroughly before she darted down and he almost lost control completely to feel her mouth close around him, to feel her soft humming moan reverberate throughout his entire body. 

Cassian barely had enough presence of mind to keep his own hips from bucking, but as a volley of rapid-fire Festian spilled from his parted lips, he managed. 

He had dreamed of this very moment, had silently finished himself off with his hand wrapped around his cock in the many showers he had taken with this exact image of Jyn in mind, her name the only one he breathlessly sobbed over and over again. 

But the reality of her warm mouth and the way she gradually took the length of him into it was so much better than he thought possible. 

If he had felt sparks in the wake of their first kiss, what he felt lighting up his nerves now were nothing short of fireworks. One, and then another and another ignited, until his body was awash with brilliant color. 

Jyn didn’t take it easy on Cassian in this, either, but then, he hadn’t expected her to. His toes curled and uncurled as she paid attention to his most sensitive spots, mirroring the exact same ways he had teased her, using the flat plane of her tongue an then when he gulped for breath, when he gasped her name, when he warned her that he was getting closer, then and only then did she change her plan of attack, pulling away and glancing up at him through darkened eyes as she took a breath and barely allowed him the same luxury before bobbing down upon him again, drawing him to the point of no return before doing all over again. 

If it was torture, it was the sweetest torture he could possibly imagine. 

Cassian’s body could only cooperate for so long, and the strain from holding back for so long was taking a toll. 

Each panting breath that he forced through gritted teeth was harsh, and his body shook from the strain of holding an avalanche of sensation at bay for so long. But once Jyn pulled away to breathe again, when she replaced her obscenely talented mouth with her hand and added a twist of her wrist, Cassian knew that he was lost. 

He shuddered violently as he pressed his hips up, wanting more, more of Jyn, more of her mouth or hand, more of her body, more of her teasing, even if it drove him completely mindless with desire. 

“Jyn! I - I’m … I can’t hold on - “ he cried desperately, a warning or a plea or a search for her permission, or all three. 

“Don’t,” Jyn replied, her voice trembling in her excitement and anticipation. “Come for me, Cassian.”

All it took was a few more purposeful strokes of her hand, and her bright, eager eyes trained directly on his, and the last vestiges of Cassian’s formidable self-control crumbled, a soft hitch of his breath the only sound he could make as waves of powerful sensation engulfed him. 

He vaguely heard Jyn’s delighted laughter as things got messy, and he ended up with a puddle on his lower belly, and a heaving chest and heavy eyes as he shivered through every subsequent aftershock that rippled through him.

Cassian tossed an arm over his eyes, but there was no obscuring the smile that lifted his lips, no hiding the disbelieving and undeniably pleased laughter that bubbled up from the bottom of his belly and poured forth. 

Unfortunately, as he lowered his arm and met Jyn’s soft, happy gaze, and found her as beautiful as he ever had before … 

Kay entered the room, and Cassian wondered how it was that the droid had the worst timing ever. Not only that, but he was entirely certain that Kay was judging them. 

“Jyn Erso, I do not think this is what the term ‘bedside manner’ is supposed to mean”, he intoned as Jyn hurriedly pulled the threadbare blanket up and around her chest to cover up, “But the Captain seems to be doing better than he was before. Please be sure to wake him every hour to ensure that he is coherent and can maintain a conversation. If not, his concussion is worse than anticipated and he will need medical attention as soon as possible. I will take my leave now.”

Which he did, leaving Cassian and Jyn alone again in the stillness that had permeated the room. Nothing was said, but then, nothing really had to be. Cassian reached for Jyn’s hand and linked their fingers together, bringing it his lips to kiss it gently. 

There would be time for talking when they returned to Home One. There would be time to figure everything out. 

He’d make sure of it.


End file.
